Wednesday, September 16, 2009 ♥
time: 2.15 amand still I find it hard to sleep :(im always jealous of the ppl who practically can just sleep in anytime, any place and in any position they are in... I sure want tt.... I need sleeping pills... i want to swallow one whole container of those sedatives..... so i can sleep for a loong period of time... So here I am... posting another fucking random post... cause wen im in the mode of being insomnic... i tend to think alot stuff at one time...U know... my attachment days are getting closer... memories of previous attachments... oh boy do I cry alot in those attachments... Every day was a living hell... lecturer aiming at students and asking ridiculous questions... making me feel I aint good enough if I cant answer those questions....like hello! ask the same question to a qualified staff nurse and see whther they can ans ur ridiculous questions... they wud just take a soiled diaper and smashed to ur face and say fuck off bitch ive got werk to do or not the doctor is gonna screw me up and blame all shits on me!!I am not a very bright student... I have major knowledge deficit on nursing... N boy do i look freaking ridiculous in tt nursing uniform... gosh patient will just poke their eyes out seeing me...But thank god I've managed to go this far... and surviving...actually struggling.... appearing strong... look knowledgable but deep down a blur cock loser..lol.. but seriously... I know it aint just luck tt have made me this far... but also my hardwork... amazing how a girl like me... who despise nursing so badly... but still here.. standing as yr 3 student... a nursing student.... Well for one reason... my mum gonna skin me alive if say i wanna quit... coz she really hope for me to be a nurse and shud be ready to werk next year.... oooh the pressure... So i gotta be "season" to being called missy for a loooooong tym...i dunnoe whther ive passed all my modules in the recent exam i took... RESULTS ON 23rd SEPT... DOOMS DAY...****NOTE TO SELF: HAVE A BOX OF TISSUE ACCOMPANYING ME WHEN CHECKING MY RESULTS....Im concerned about this coming attachment... More concern than the previous attachments... this is the final one... and i gotta aced it or else....i dun wanna think of the or else... I have gone through a lot of failures in life... but not this time... hopefully i wud pass... :) but still im just scared...coz i dunnoe what will happen in the future...Sometimes things doesnt really go the way I wanted it to be...and tt sorta things really make me feel very disappointed... The feeling of fear has been with me for a long time now... i dunnoe since wen.... n coz of tt I dun have self confidence at all....but i gotta step up... n do all me best.... jiayou to fidah, syed, su and all the other nursing students.... this is our last lab... just keep striving... dont giv up :)Anyways.. to Lucy : thanks for that sunday post in ur blog.... it really touched me..ermm mentally not physically :p.... and i love you... and i wanna fuck you after this fasting month okies.. :p Ur loyalty as a fren really touches and make me realize how pure friendship really is.... u are my bestest fren... and no way in hell we are gonna be seperated... I wont let tt happen.... coz u are the person that I treasure the most.....
To Anizah : I feel tt our frenship is drifting apart.... we aint tt close anymore... So i kinda feel weird talking to u now... im sorry.... i cant really talk to u like the way we use to talk.... but u had been my best fren.... N i just want to remember u as that close fren of mine wen we are in sec sch... not the anizah now.... I wanna wish u happiness... besides u have no time for me now... i understand.. u have other frens to attend to and have other stuffs to do... i totally understand...
Just one thing though ... I just want to be happy in ur life... jgn buat perkare yg tak senonoh tau :p & i want u to know tt i love you... n u will u be cherished in my heart... tgt with syed... u 2 were the best ppl ever that have entered my life.... may god bless yall...To fidah : Be strong babe.... even if I aint gonna be with u the next sem... but u can always approach me if u need anything... I will try my best to help... Thanks for everything.. this 3 years with u... knowing u... and going thorugh alot of ups and downs with you have been a pleasure... & im honoured to be ur bestie.... Who wudnt treasure a fren like u... I always remember the help and the motivation u have given me..
Even wen u are sick u have came to sch to support me on my practical exam... and wen i cried cause i ve failed it u were there for me... and wen some asshole just screw my fucking life... u screwed him back... i love u soooo much... hopefully we will be close until.. like forever.... i will never stop saying tt u are the reason why I am still in ths course.. the reason i aint quitting...
lots of love to all the people that made me have the motivation to keep on living.. and make me worth something.... wen others just dun giv a shit....think i wont post anytime soon... so.... wanna wish allllll the muslim ppl who have been fasting faithfully.. and telah menjauhkan diri daripade maksiat dalam bulan ramadan... SLAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI.....
(in advance..)
okies... i gtg.... post sum shit wen i feel like it... bye bloggy
Screaming my thoughts out @ Wednesday, September 16, 2009
